Only 23, and already feeling old

It really is strange. Who would have ever thought that turning 23, hopefully only about a quarter of one's lifetime, could make someone feel so old? That's the reality that I faced today, but let me explain myself a little before anyone thinks I'm overeacting.

Really, I personally don't feel that old, but I tend to perceive that others soon will. The problem comes with the fact that I still live in a college town, a town where "what year are you, what do you study, oh, so where do you work" are some of the first things out of the mouths of anyone you meet. I was watching this documentary the other day about rich kids who inherit all their wealth, kids who never put in an honest day of work short of meeting the minimal expectations their parents may have laid on them at some point. One of the early 20-somethings profiled was of some form of European decent, as he claimed that one way that America is so very different socially than Europe was in that such questions of status and occupation are ice breakers, whereas they should be reserved for the process of getting to know someone. Why was he so nervous to be asked such a question? The answer, an easy one, is that he was afraid to reply, "Nothing, I do nothing."

While I really don't have much, and I certainly do not do "nothing," I understand how he feels. For the first time in my life, I felt ashamed to be older. Ashamed that the next time I'm at the bar and am asked if I'm a grad student or something at 23, I'll have to reply with a big fat negative.

Deep inside me, however, there lies a part of myself who keeps this concern to a minimum. This part cries out, "Relax, fuck them, you're 23!!! You're life hasn't even started yet. You always have time to do what you want." I'm not so worried of convincing myself of this as I am of believing that everyone else will agree. If you are a disbeliever, then I ask you to put your reservations behind you, and have a little faith. I promise you, it is only a matter of time. On a lighter note, happy birthday to me!