I AM BACK!!!

FUCK COMCAST

So, my unusually long absence from the information highway can be attributed to one force and one force alone – the evil empire that is Comcast. Just when you get all excited about their on demand and free HBO for 6 months they have to go fuck shit up with their terrible customer service. I don’t want to go into this for an extended period of time as there are much more fun and interesting things to write about, but here is the brief synopsis of why it is that I haven’t put up a real post on this site in weeks. Comcast was scheduled to come out to our place the first day we were all moving shit in. They show up (this is all second hand, I was gone at the time) and claim that we have some kind of lock on the lines (how could we, someone just moved out a few days earlier?) and they need a truck to come out with the necessary equipment to get things going. This was roughly two weeks ago. The reason they haven’t shown up…nobody actually knows. Jim (new roommate) calls them every day and every day they act either confused, defensive, deceptive, or downright annoyingly helpful (seeing as their claims to help us out never become anything). They say every day that they’ll call back with more information – never have. It’s fucking bullshit.

I’m finally posting this because after weeks of negotiations I finally got them to agree to come out here again and it turns out that the first guy didn’t know what he was talking about, everything was pretty much ready to go from the beginning. The guy who fixed our place up wasn’t even a regular Comcast employee, but a guy who’s contracted out, and the first thing he says to me when he gets let in the door was “I fucking hate Comcast, they are the most disorganized company in the world.” I second that notion. Ok, enough on that.

I’ve been writing some of these entries on Microsoft Word in anticipation of the day that I can actually post them on the internet. Since I can’t view my old entries I have to dig deep into my memory to reclaim the list of topics that I had promised to touch on in my previous blogs. A few stick out like a white person chillin in New Orleans right now, so I’ll go with those first and fill in the blanks later. Starting with stories from awhile ago, let the blogs begin.

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION…In the form of a wedding

So, it seems that the only way I can be assured at seeing multiple people from high school at the same time these days is to attend one of their weddings. It just so happens that a few weeks ago my good friend from high school who I never actually talk to anymore got married, and I was lucky enough to be invited. Oddly enough, I have attended two bachelor parties for guys I hung out with in high school the past few months, but was only invited to one of the weddings. As I’m preparing what to say about the wedding in my mind before it gets committed to the page I realize that with my standards of non-diary like entries I can’t really go nearly as in depth into what I want to say as I should. The reality of the situation is that I know a lot of people from home have some kind of connection this site, and anything I say about someone in particular would easily get back to them. The diary writer on one of these would gladly write something like,

“So I saw my old ex Sarah from high school at my friend Adam’s wedding this past weekend, and I realized that I still loved her. I tried to talk to her but she said that she was through talking to me and that the relationship was over when I started looking through her cell phone bills to determine if she was fucking Billy. Although she never actually went through getting the restraining order against me after the time I tried hooking up the video camera outside her bedroom window, she said that I should pretty much abide by her terms. Even though I still love her so much, I remembered what a controlling bitch she was. Thinking about has made me choose my Coldplay playlist on winamp today. I know Suzy still reads this so tell Sarah how I feel and tell her that I still masturbate to the image of her head bobbing to the rhythm of my favorite Tupac song. I just love her so much!”

So anyway, I don’t really have that much unresolved shit with people from high school anyway, I just don’t want to get myself into a precarious situation where I make someone feel uncomfortable. Also, does anybody out there know anyone who writes stuff like that in their blog/journals? It’s fucking creepy, isn’t it? If you do drop me a comment on it with the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever read (I anticipate 0% participation). I remember the best I ever read was when Adam first joined livejournal.com, but it wasn’t one of his entries. I must say, some of Adam’s entries got a little too intense to have been something posted on this blog, but he’s nothing compared to these two other journals I read. I’m getting on a little bit of a tangent, but I’m going to run with it. Those of you who bitch that my blogs are too long, I’ve got a suggestion – print the fucking thing out and take it to the john to take a shit because I’m going to keep writing long blogs as long as I damn well please. Now that that’s been resolved, let me get on to the too intense for friendly reading livejournals.

The first was some random black girl’s which I came across while searching by weird usernames. I must have put something sexual in or something because that’s the kind of thing I would have done. I start reading her entries and the basic jist (that word seems like it should be some sound or secretion a person makes during sex) of the journal is how she has a huge crush on this one brotha who periodically fucks her, but they can’t ever get serious with each other because they’re both huge sluts. I was pretty confident that this was a real journal and not some joke because this girl had like 10 completely boring entries about going to the store and talking to friends intertwined into her perverse sexual escapades. Anyway, the best ever entry was one full of arguably the most disturbingly odd form of jealousy ever. So this girl and her crush get involved in a threesome with some friend of the girl. Having fucked this other slut a bunch of times the guy naturally takes more of an interest to the fresh meat his bitch just brought to market. The girl details in her blog how envious she got while watching him pound away at her friend doggy style. Apparently the threesome ended in awkwardness followed by an argument between the three that led to the end of the two girls’ friendship. While this story doesn’t sound too unbelievable at all, it is hard to imagine that anybody would share this information with the not so anonymous internet crowd. Go figure.

The other funny blog that I came across was from some random girl I had on my AIM list who I had no idea who she was. I clicked on the link and started reading a long drawn out story of how she basically stalks this guy she works with and how they cuddle occasionally and fuck other times but he won’t commit. At one point they become a couple, and she attends a party at his house (on Linden St. in Ann Arbor of all places). She’s upset at him for something and starts dancing with one of his roommates to make him jealous. He gets mad at her and yells at her and she retaliates by making out with the roommate. She and the roommate then go upstairs and she gives him a blow job. She feels guilty but also taken advantage of afterwards and admits it to her supposed boyfriend. According to her journal his response was for himself and all his other roommates to beat this guy up and throw him out of the house. I believe within a few entries this couple was over again.

My personal thought on this journal is what a dumb bitch. As a guy who has been extremely drunk before I find it hard to imagine myself being the bad guy in a situation where a drunk girl comes onto me to piss off her boyfriend – you just have no ability to distinguish the moral implications to offered up sexual encounters. It’s different when you pursue, as you are constantly rationalizing and scheming on your next move, but voluntary submission is another concept entirely. I don’t know the whole story, but even if he knew who this girl was he probably figured she was a whore from her all too public livejournal in which she details being a huge slut with sexual details and emotional attachments included for anyone with an internet connection to read anyway. Even if he was wrong, he wasn’t as wrong as the girl who blew him. I doubt she volunteered to untie his shoes and slipped her mouth onto his cock – in reality I bet it was just an extension of her childish ploy to make her boyfriend livid. Silly girls.

Ok, now that I got that out of my system, what was this blog about again? I seriously just scrolled up to confirm that I’m writing about my friend Alan’s wedding. Just thinking about it makes me want to tell stories about how I had physics class with his wife and we all picked on her because she was so gullible, but I will digress until another date.

BACK TO THE WEDDING

The highlight of the evening came pretty late when the party was comprised of 90% 20-somethings line dancing and forming dance circles and the like – typical wedding fare. Without going into too much detail, this girl comes up to me whom I always knew in high school by name, but had never really talked to before. As much as people have the right to kid me for being some kind of hick, this girl’s name takes the cake: Amy Jo. Not Amy, not Jo, not even AJ, but Amy Jo. Anyway, Amy Jo had made a change for the better since high school and actually looked pretty good. The thing most people remember this girl for was being extremely prissy, but even more so for the student group she attempted to create following the Columbine incident. It was called SAVE – Students Against Violence in their Environments. I don’t actually know if it ever came to fruition, but it was the topic of some mocking conversation at the time. Oh, I just remembered something else, I feel like she didn’t get accepted into the gifted program at some point and her mother sued the school or something. This picture of a goody-goody momma’s girl was shattered however early in the night when I talked to some people she still kept in touch with. Turns out she went to Ohio State for college and became the go-to fuck buddy for all the guys from my high school (Evergreen) who went there also. She eventually worked her way up to the football team with her biggest claim to fame being several romps with famous OSU bad boy Maurice Clarrett. While I can’t confirm these rumors, we’ll take them all to be true for our purposes here.

Anyway, late in the night I’m out on the dance floor busting a move when she just walks right up to me and starts grinding on me. She leans in and says, “Didn’t you go to Michigan?” I must admit that I was surprised that she knew anything about me at all, but being that she was an OSU student there may have been ample reason for her to know this information. Sure enough, as a conversation of sorts breaks out the topics start to lean to how badly OSU is gonna beat us this year and how badly we suck etc etc. After some of this useless trash talking she finally admits that the only reason she didn’t go to Michigan is because she didn’t get in, she even went up to the campus for a tour and everything. She then tries to explain to me that OSU has raised their academic standards tremendously the past couple years and they are now harder to get into than Michigan. Uh…yeah right.

To make a long and boring story shorter she asks me for my phone number at the end of the night, while insisting that I also take hers. I get her number no problem, but she catches me a little off guard when I take a glance at her phone as she programs my number – turns out my name has been changed to none other than Steve Seaman. After a brief pause to determine if I should even say anything I decide to interject on her key pushing by asking her what my name is. To be quite honest, the whole Steve for Scott switcharoo is a pretty common problem for me, especially since my friend from high school Steve is about my height and build, but it was that much funnier because Steve was standing right beside her when she made the error, and we all had a good laugh over it. I didn’t care anyway, in a very lame way I can now claim to have been hit on by a girl from both of our biggest rivals, and I was proud to represent my university. All right, this is going on about page 37 now, so I’m just gonna quit and let everyone rest before reading the next blog. Peace out.