I NEED to start writing on here more often again

So much has happened the past couple weeks that I really should share with everybody that I feel that it is my duty to come on here and write a little something. Unfortunately, right now I don't necessarily feel that writing some long winded stories is the way I'm feeling this very second. Instead, to motivate myself to come back to this blog again I'm going to jot down a few of the ideas that I have for future stories so I can maybe have a little incentive from any of my loyal readers out there to actually post them.

I guess the first story that comes to mind is the one of the girl who missed puking on me by mere inches. Another that I can't forget for the life of me is how I played beer pong with a 40 year old woman who happened to be my manager in the same night that I also puked, passed out, got markered, and had my car towed. Not as much a story as an event worth mentioning would also be Julie's birthday (Happy Birthday Julie by the way). But like I said, none of these things will be discussed this very second. Alas, something else has given me cause to write something a little more seriously based, so here goes nothing.

I just got done watching all three and a half hours of the HBO mini-series Empire Falls. While it was cheesy in many respects and lost its focus at others, it must have been pretty good to inspire me to write. Without getting too involved in the plot the basis of the film is a bunch of people living in a small town Maine who all seem to be questioning if they have done everything they could in their lives to have had an impact of any kind. At one point late in the film one character asks another if they expected more when they were younger, and they replied by asking who ever expects less. I suppose this statement is probably pretty universal no matter what race you are or what your tax bracket is. Everybody imagines themselves winning the lottery, or curing cancer, or being a professional athlete, or dating a celebrity, or any number of things that we all feel so capable of when we're younger. When a person ends up at the factory just long enough to get the right pension to support his wife who he doesn't connect with anymore after 30 years of marriage he must wonder if there was a moment that could have changed everything. For many many people, there is no shame in this life, and I say that if you have a family that loves you and you're happy there is no reason to feel any shame at all. But still, it is hard for me to imagine these same people don't wonder now and again anyways.

Being one of the few people that I know in this town to have come from relatively small beginnings I can identify with many of the events from the film that many of my suburbanite friends couldn't possibly. At another point in the film a man asks another if he thinks it's pathetic that he sincerely cared whether or not the local high school won their homecoming football game. When I think back to my time at Evergreen High, I can think of many fans with no true connection to the team that were living and dying with every touchdown and every three-pointer, and I don't suppose that there's anything more wrong with that then a bunch of college students having a bad week because Chad Henne threw an interception in a game in which none of them competed. Small towns are what they are, and being a part of something larger than ourselves seems to be as important a part of human nature as separating ourselves from the pack.

Another point that is constantly referenced in the film is how no secret is safe in a small town. While this concept is overblown in most form of media, it is certainly more relevant to those in a small town. I guess I missed out on this phenomenom the first time around, but I have been able to witness it as a more mature person through the eyes of my father's second marriage. Teenagers come over to his house to see my step brothers and he has all the gossip to mention about this girl used to date this boy and how this kid is going to be a good basketball player in a couple years, and then I walk into Pioneer High School and realize that just about no student there could even name 5 randomly selected students from their grade and things come into perspective. In a small town you are essentially forced to see the same group of people day in and day out, even your ex-wife or boss that you got fired by or whoever you do or don't want to see, they'll always be there, and there's nowhere else to go.

That's why I can never go back to living in a small town, unless I were happily married with kids or something like that. My entire life right now is based on my interactions with people, new people and different people, and I could never get that back at home. While I sit here and seemingly waste away in Ann Arbor deep down I know that there is a purpose greater than anyone else can see in the way that I live my life. I have on several occasions been told that I am a one of a kind person, that I am truly unique, and that has to count for something. If I ever do build the confidence to reach my potential I have some faith that I have somewhere special to go with it all. Basically, if asked if I expected more as a child, I would have to say yes, but even moreso than you can imagine. My dreams reach farther than the eye can see and nearly as deep as the mind can think. I haven't lost my chance yet. I have become keenly aware that the dreams I hope to chase are a function of my time here on earth, and that aspect I cannot change anymore than the next person. If something great is in my future, then patience is the only avenue I must take.