A busy week...seriously!

Wow, after a barrage of blogs like never before I am deeply apologetic that it has been so long since my last entry. For once, however, I actually have a very legitimate excuse, as last week was actually extremely busy. For one, I went back to working full time at Dollar Bill to save some money for when the fall and (potentially much later) graduate school starts...oh, who am I kidding, I'm working to pay the bills and put the food on the table, but I'm making a good monetary comeback I think. Also, this past week I took the GRE, so of course I studied for it all three mornings before work the week I took it, so I was too occupied to write any blogs of merit. Lastly, and certainly not least, my dad got married this past weekend. So, while I may have been too busy to blog, I was not too busy to come up with things to blog about.

I would like to address a concern that has been expressed to me lately during my blitz of blogs - with so many blogs coming out it has been noted that they are too long to read all the way through. I personally think this is preposterous, as they measure only about one written page at the most, but I am here to satisfy the public...partially. To make things easier on you all I will segment this blog into a few well defined segments so that you can read one of them one day and another the next without getting lost. So, anyway, let the blogging begin.

SECTION 1: THE ULTIMATE PICK-UP LINE

This rather humorous story arises from my excursion out to Rick's on Saturday night (my dad's wedding was the next day btw) with Cara and her Ford crew. We stopped by Dominick's and chugged a few sangrias before moving on out to Charlie's, where all the action took place. The group included Cara, Josh, Emily, Paul, Mario, Kevin, and myself. I just met Paul last week, but he's one of those guys who are hard not to get along with because he tends to laugh at just about anything, funny or not, ala my old roommate Adam Cole. We were discussing who at the table had "game" when talking to the ladies, and I lied and said that I did. I will say that I once did, but I would be lying to say I have it now. My proclamation led to an inquirey on the source of my game however, which led to me preaching about the UPL, or ultimate pick-up line as it's more commonly called. The UPL is not really an oral line at all, but something you write on a small piece of paper and hand to a girl. Here's an example of what it would look like:

I'm taking on a survey on the best pick-up lines. Please choose one of the following.

1. Is that a keg in your pants, cause I'd love to tap that ass!

2. Is your daddy a terrorist, cause you da bomb!

3. Hand a girl a survey about pick-up lines.

Get it? Some people actually don't. When they do they invariably laugh, which is why the UPL is the UPL. Laughter of the you're not creepy sort is all it takes to get your foot in the door usually. After explaining this amazing method everyone was in agreement that I had to try it out there at the bar for them to watch. From somewhere deep within me that I haven't visited in some time I said "what the fuck?" and agreed to their request. A girl at the bar was scouted out and I was on my way to potential humiliation...if not for the UPL that is. To make everything even more ridiculous I added an opening line of, "Hi, I work for the census burea, could I have a moment of your time to fill out this survey?" The girl smiled and took my written on napkin of a UPL and started smiling almost immediately. Once she got to the punch-line she laughed, and said the following.

"Wow, that's really cute and funny, but I gotta tell you that I'm actually engaged." Now it was my turn to laugh. I was prepared all along for such a response though, and I smiled and explained that it was all a test to show my friends that girls love the UPL, and she agreed that had she not been engaged she would have thought it was a creative way to start a conversation.

I returned to the table and Paul says, "I can't believe you just did that, I think you're my new hero." Pretty lofty admiration I'd say, but Paul was self-admittedly "gameless." I told them about the whole engaged thing, and everyone got a kick out of that. We decided it had to be tested again. Not a moment later a table of 4 relatively cute (6-7.5 range for you Adam) girls sat down at a nearby table. I sprung into action again, this time taking on an entire pride of hungry lionesses...well, not really, I had already decided to explain it was test no matter how well it went. I used the same line as before and the girls were smiling right away. They read the UPL and laughed pretty hard, especially at the tap that ass comment. They all got it, but they loved that line as well. I explained myself, and they thought the whole thing was pretty funny. I decided to take the opportunity and quiz them on how the UPL would have actually worked out, and the concensus was that as long as the guy wasn't creepy, the UPL was a real winner. I kinda regret I didn't pursue things further, as the cutest girl there seemed genuinely interested in extending the conversation, but my game meter was tipping towards E, so I bailed on back to the safety of my group, with the UPL confirmed as my method of meeting new girls when I finally move away from here.

SECTION 2: THE GRE TEST

There isn't that much to write about this except to say that I made it through. The writing section gets graded and sent out to you a couple weeks later, but the verbal and math scores are reported to you immediately after finishing. Without getting into specific numbers, I scored about 200 points over the recommended scores for the grad schools I looked at, so I'm not too worried. Also, according to Adam, who used to work for the ChemE admissions department, my math score means a lot more than my verbal, and let's just say that's a good thing.

I looked up some old percentiles from previous tests and saw that my verbal score was around average, roughly 55th percentile. Not too surprising considering I haven't taken a class where I had to learn a non-technical term for about 5 years now. Also, my vocab really does suck, I'll admit it straight up, no excuses. If I had only had the thesaurus on Word for the test... There were several questions featuring words I'd never ever even seen or heard before, let alone know the definition. Oh well, hardly anything to get upset about.

My math was, without mincing words, pretty much a perfect score. I didn't think I did that well when I took it, but the scores didn't lie. For any of you who are going to take the GRE or are not familiar with it at all, none of the questions are really that hard on the math, it just comes down to how fast can you do them and how well you can avoid getting tricked. Pictures are warped and not drawn to scale, wordings are obscure and incomplete, etc. Beyond that, even the GRE website refers to the math as high school level. You just have to be quick and think of every possibility for every question.

In conclusion, my "arrogance towards standardized testing," as Nicole put it when I told her I signed up to take the test the next week without having ever even seen what it was like or what content it included, worked out in the end. I could probably do better, but $115 tells me I'll sit where I sit. Now I just gotta get some letters of recommendation...

SECTION 3: MY DAD GOT REMARRIED

As the title makes so obvious, I now have a new step-mom, not to mention two step-brothers. At this later (by adolescent standards) stage in my life I'm mostly just happy for my dad, and have no reservations about the whole thing. I actually really like my new family, and it's fun having two new brothers, especially since they share similar interests to myself. Anyway, I guess I should mention a few highlights of the evening, after first saying how glad I am that it was indoors, as the heat index outside was a whopping 105 degrees. Simply unbearable.

The funniest part of the ceremony was when my dad had to repeat all the vows given by the minister. On the last line, something about pledging his eternal faithfulness to Renee, he froze, having thought the repeating part was over. Then everyone looked at him and he tried to repeat it (it was easily the longest vow) and the minister had to walk him through it again. Everyone laughed, as it was a horrible line to hesitate on, even accidentally. Not surprisingly, the minister split the vow up for Renee (my step mom if I didn't mention that before) to make things a little easier.

Once the festivites got going my brother got drinking. I've only seen my bro really drunk once before, and neither time did he dissappoint. By the way, he's 25, and yes, I really do have a brother. Nobody ever believes me. People even make comments to me like, "It's so obvious that you're an only child." I'm not. Anyway, the first time my brother got drunk with me he ended up puking on the bar at TDs, and this time he was just funny.

About 10 rum and cokes into the night he was starting to not make as much sense. Then he started incorporating the word "fuck" into everything he said. He suddenly became extremely friendly, telling my step brothers and everyone there that he was extemely sorry he didn't visit them more. He was especially sorry that he had only come up to Ann Arbor twice in the 5 years that I've lived here. At one point he even felt so bad that he asked if I had vacation days because he would pay for us to go on a trip somewhere since I can't afford it. He reads this sometimes, and I bet if he doesn't remember saying that, he'll take it back now. He wants to come up sometime within the next couple weeks, so for any of you who want confirmation that he exists, you may just get your chance. Anyway, the drinking was all in good fun, and to my knowledge he avoided puking. I personally didn't really drink so that I could drive home later in the night, and I did without concern.

SECTION 4: REAL WORLD MEMBERS GET PICK OF THE LITTER IN AUSTIN

Has anyone been watching Real World? If there was any season I wish I were on, it's this one. For one, there's Melinda to look at, but I'll touch on that a little later. Secondly, for the first time, they sent all these young wild kids to a place where they might actually be appreciated, a college town. This is how it should have been all along. The lesson learned from past seasons is this: send young kids followed by a camera to big cities and people with big egos will want to fight them every night. Send kids to a place where every kid has imagined being on the show, and you get respect and intrigue. Now, I know they got in that fight the second night, but that wasn't like the other seasons, as they were all running around looking for someone and everything was all chaotic. In other seasons people in line would taunt them and follow them into a bar just to start fights. Maybe that's happening now, but I doubt it from the way they act on the show.

Getting to the title of this section, I'm really envious of the new hook-up drawer. That's just damn amazing. For any of you who don't know, Wes and Neh have a drawer full of all the phone numbers they've accumulated in the maybe month they've been in Texas, and they randomly pull the names out to see who they want to join them that particular evening. According to the girls' commentary, they aren't actually that great at sealing the deal, but they have fun nonetheless. This past episode they met a UT cheerleader, and she told them to look at the team's website to see some of the other girls. They went through the site and hand-picked the girls they wanted her to bring when they all went out together that night. Simply amazing.

My last Real World related tidbit comes from a conversation that arose during our time at Charlie's as can be read about in Section 1. An argument began over who was better, Cameron or Melinda? I must say, a very very difficult decision for anyone to make. Both are extremely hot in the face, Melinda has the curves, and Cameron had the tight little thin body. To the dismay of many, I just keep finding myself going with Cameron. Boobs are fun for only so long, and there's just something about Cameron. Maybe it's her little southern accent, that just drives me wild. Plus, Melinda seems to be a little too much of a nympho (in the untrustworthy way, otherwise no complaints). Also, Cameron reminds me a lot of a girl I used to have a crush on, so that contributes. Please, anyone with an opinion on this argument write in and have your voice heard. Ok, enough for now, hope to talk to you all in the near future.

Brief Update

So, I haven't posted in a few days (odd that I apologize considering I used to have to apologize after an absense of a few weeks), and I thought I might as well jot down a few very quick thoughts before heading to bed.

I guess a really good place to start would have to be with the bachelor party I attended this past weekend. It was for an old high school friend, Alan Hoge, and was swarming with an All-star list of former Evergreen Vikings. As much as I'm sure everybody out there assumes there must be a great story accompanying a bachelor party, I must digress and report that nothing too extraordinary occurred. For one, the bachelor aspect of the party went sour rather quickly, as the groom (actually, there were two grooms...no, not a gay marriage, just coincidentally another guy there at the party is also engaged to be married very very soon) puked in a bar bathroom at about 11:30, ending his night prematurely. This did not however end the fun for all, as the party moved on to an extremely enticing night spot in Toledo, the Light House. If there is one thing I'm going to remember from the night it would have to be this uniquely fun bar. In short, it is half indoors, half outdoors, on the river, looks like a dock, was full of attractive people, and last but certainly not least sported some of the most attractive little waitress packages this bar frequenter has ever seen. A definate two enthusiastic thumbs up; I wouldn't mind going again if in the area.

Let's see...I suppose I can mention really quickly for any guys out there that I went and bought NCAA 2006 today, and I am for the most part satsified. My biggest problem with the game is that in the right hands the "impact players" of the game are pretty much unstoppable. Vince Young, for example, is not too hard to stop now and again for a sizeable loss, but when your opponent runs various options and keepers every play there is really no defense to consistently stop him. I played one game as Adrian Peterson and we stopped midway through because it became obvious there was no way to prevent him from getting 10 yards if he was run 4 straight plays, even against USC's defense. He can stop and come back to full speed in about 2 steps, not to mention breaks about 3 tackles per play. Games with these amazing players become surefire shootouts, with the first bad play (or more likely unconservative play call) deciding the game. While there are a few other things I could mention, the only other problem I have with the game is that the player ratings are amazingly similar from one guy to the next, regardless of past history or team, with the exception of the Peterson's, Bush's, Young's, etc. For example, I see that Mike Hart is a very respectable 90 rating...only to find out that among almost every team we have actually seen or played against, such as Wisconsin, Toledo, BGSU, N Illinois, and E Michigan, no starting back was below an 88. Some may argue with me, but when the second team MAC runners have the same rating as the first team Big ten 10 runners, something is amiss.

Hmmm, what else is up...I guess that covers most of what is on my mind right now. Oh wait, I thought of something else of significance just now - I signed up to take the GRE next week. I haven't even started studying or doing anything yet, so I guess I better get moving with that. Also, I just watched Conan and was thinking about how despite having some seemingly average features, Scarlet Johanson is shockingly sexy and desirable, and I would certainly put her near the top of my list of celebrities I think would be cool to date. Wow, the more I write the more that comes to my mind all of a sudden, as images from the episode of Real World I watched earlier just surfaced. I'll give that it's own really quick paragraph then get off of here.

So, Nehemiah (total guess on spelling, too lazy to type in a few words and search the net) is getting sick of Rachel constantly comparing the roommates' simple lives to that experienced in the military, not to mention how she pretty much brags about how great she is for having served (although as Nehemiah points out, she was a nurse, not a combatant). He also is apparently living with a complete group of ignorant idiots, as some comments relating to Bush and the war shown within 30 seconds of each other include:

"He's a great leader" (referring to Bush...what? The only leading he ever does is being the lead joke on the late night shows after he invents a new word in a speech)

"They kill 4000 of our people and we aren't justified for war?" (first, no idea where 4000 comes from, never heard that figure, secondly, Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11)

"You've been watching too much of the Fahrenheit 9-11 stuff" (ok, even if you hate Moore, it is hard to dispute most facts in the movie - there is no evidence, at all, ever given to any citizen, linking 9-11 to Iraq. If you were fooled into believing there was a real point to the war, give up, I was once one of those people, and it just isn't worth it anymore. Don't tell me about all the terrible things they did to their people either, as an example, I've written about how Rwanda had 1 million people killed in genocide, and we did nothing, so fuck that argument)

What made this really funny is that somebody tells him he is the most ignorant person they've ever met. I laughed, but cried on the inside at the same time. At another point in the show he says he thinks he'd rather be in Iraq than prison, and Rachel gets all angry again. I think I agree with Nehemiah. Let me throw down some randomly generated odds here - chances of being killed in Iraq...maybe 1 in 100, chances of having a cock shoved up your asshole in prison against your will...well, a whole lot higher. I think I would rather receive a gun shot than a money shot. Also, she says that in prison nobody's trying to kill you. I haven't been to prison, but my understanding is that a lot of people fear being killed in prison, especially if they refuse the whole salad tossing thing. Doesn't sound too appealing to me.

Now, let me get something straight before my last rant. I'm not some big anti-war activist or anything, and I don't believe that Bush is about to end the world or anything, I just know that when analyzing the evidence we are not required to blindly follow what the president says or believes, and that is the basis for my arguements here. In reality, there are several economic aspects of being a Republican that I envy, but cannot overcome the whole religious hypocritical brainwashing lying shit that they seem to constantly spew. Basically, I have an opinion because I am allowed to, and because I watch the news and read books, and yes, watch F 9-11. Anyway, my last rant, one I have been keeping inside for some time.

This one is a logic game. Have you ever seen one, maybe on an IQ test or something? Like here is an example.

-Some trees are green
-Green is my favorite color
-Therefore, some trees are my favorite color
True/False/don't know

Ok, not too hard I don't think. Now, here is my republican against people who don't like us being at War in Iraq logic game.

-People in the war are brave and performing a service to their country by risking their lives
-America does not want people at war to die
-People in war die
-Some people feel we should not be at war at all, and that people are dying unnecessarily
-Therefore, people who think we should not be at war are anti-American, lack patriotism, and trivialize the lives of soldiers by saying they are fighting for nothing as they die every day

Does anyone else wonder where the fuck the conclusion came from? I don't see the link. Wanting people out of harm of death makes them against them? Is our society that starved for heros? Are they a comodity that must be kept intact, and any attempt to prevent heroic situations isn't American? I have actually witnessed a show on Fox News where a person told Michael Moore that they believed that very conclusion to be true of him. I miss the logic. Shouldn't the conclusion be more like...

-Therefore, we wouldn't be having this discussion of people dying were we not in some ridiculous war. People could be here eating apple pie and shooting off fireworks after an afternoon baseball game, like a true patriot.

What if...

I was up watching Conan tonight and he made a joke about a 400 lb man attempting to walk across the United States in order to lose weight (the joke was that he was having difficulty as his path went from one Taco Bell to the next). This got me to thinking, what would keep a relatively healthy young man like myself from attempting a similar feat? While it would without question be one of the most trying experiences of any person's life with the limited money that I have, it would also without question be the most exhilarating journey imaginable. If I were to ever gain the guts to do such a thing, I would certainly try and follow a few basic guidelines to keep safe and add meaning to what I would be trying to do.

1) Find a charity to sponsor to gain people's support
I certainly wouldn't plan on sleeping on park benches the whole time, so some form of hook to get the attention of random people would be a must. I would pick a foundation, bring some forms with me, and have people pledge a percentage of a cent to as much as a dollar for every mile I walked. This method would certainly gain me access to many homes and people's hearts along the way.

2) Use the internet to your advantage
In trying to figure out how to gain these people's trust I just mentioned I guess I would have to prove to them that I'm really who I claim to be. The best way to do this would be to use the internet. Here's the plan: try as best as possible to go from college town to college town each successive day. Have a website charting your progress, or even a media outlet (local news channel website for instance) mention your goal in an article, so people can be shown these sites in addition to picture ID and maybe even thefacebook.com. College towns are a must as they provide easy internet access, easy girls, risk free sleeping arrangements (couches), and the potential for students to anticipate your arrival. Imagine contacting a frat beforehand, showing up, and partying with them at no expense. Get on the internet and upload some pics of the day. Make your efforts known to popular college sites, and soon you will be an awaited and valuable property. (The more I write this down the more exciting and realistic it actually sounds)

3) Pack Light
Don't pack too much stuff, and never ever leave it anywhere that you don't 100% trust. Try to find lockers and other such things as you come across new towns and cities. Pack for the worst weather you would have to sleep through in case of emergencies. Try to plan the trip to head through areas with climates that are safe and semi-predictable. Head out in warmer months rather than colder. To make things fair, never cheat - no bikes, trains, or car rides. Have two pairs of tennis shoes, and nothing else for your feet. Buy some Dr. Sholls pads for sure.

4) Write down everything
In addition to the blog you should try to keep up with, you should keep most of what (and who) you do a secret and put it down on paper. This way you can someday go back to your notes and write a book or screenplay based on what you've done.

5) Do things you would have never thought you could
What would be the point of all this if you didn't let your hair down a little and take chances. When embarking on such an expedition it would seem valuable to lose all sense of embarassment in walking up to complete strangers and asking for help. Hell, it's almost unimaginable how many hot girls you could hook up with doing something like this if you just have the balls to make a move. Sell your body for money, there are no morals on the road!
Offer to do dishes in exchange for a meal. It would be a real lesson on the infinite roles that people play within our society.

So, I wrote this blog just to share with you all one of the kinds of things I wish I had the balls to do. I also wrote it in the hopes that whoever reads it thinks about doing something like this for at least just a minute, as such boldness is a dream to us all, even if we are hesitant to admit it to ourselves. Seriously, how much more respect would you have for yourself if you actually pulled something like this off? How much life experience could you fit into the weeks (months?) you would spend fending for your life day by day, getting exercise, pushing your body to the limits? How much weight could you lose? What kind of amazing shape would you be in by the conclusion? How great of a following could you achieve if you advertised yourself correctly? How many people could you help by raising money on the side? Alright, enough of these questions. I'm sure you can all think of your own to ponder. If you want, comment or as you all do IM me or mention to me in person what you would think if someone you knew actually attempted anything as bold and daring. I'll be eagerly awaiting any responses. Good night to you all.

Tales from LA

While this blog is going to outline some stories that the night manager at Dollar Bill told me last week about his experiences as an LA bartender, I'm actually going to start out by announcing yet another internet appearance I will be making rather shortly.

In addition to Webshots, the facebook, and even Collegehumor.com, I am now going to have some credit given to me on ESPN.com. No, not for stripping, but for an email I sent to the college football writer explaining some inaccurate assumptions he made about Michigan's offensive line. Twice in a recent live chat he held on the site he mentioned Michigan's offense will be held back this year by an inexperiences O-line. Upon reading this I instantly thought that unless I was missing something he was grossly misinformed. After looking through Mgoblue.com I had all the evidence I needed to present my case in the form of an email. Basically my email stated that Baas is the only lineman to start a game last year to depart, and the returning competitors included 2 first-team all big ten performers and one 2nd team performer, hardly a suspect line. Without ever thinking I would get a response I found the following email yesterday afternoon:

I stand corrected, and will note as much in my next email column.
Thanks.

Ivan Maisel

I can't be completely sure that my name will be printed in the response, but I will undoubtedly keep my eye on Mr. Maisel's column for the next couple weeks. I may even break convention and post the link here in my blog.

Well, getting back on topic, I have a few rather interesting stories to pass along. This may actually be the first time in this blog that I am relaying a story that someone else told me, but I think under the current circumstances I'll let that little fact slide. So, the night manager at my place of employment's name is Mike J (the J is to distinguish from other Mike's working there), and prior to heading back to Ann Arbor he worked as a bartender in LA not all too long ago (I estimate his current age to be maybe 28-30 by the way). Based on the little that he had to say about the place I'm going to assume this place was more of a Mitch's than a Rick's, for those of you who read this who are old enough to remember what Mitch's is.

The beginning of the story I'm a little shaky on I'll admit, but here is my attempt to make sense out of how he told it. You all know Matthew Perry, right? Better known to some as Chandler from the hit sitcom Friends. Well, apparently on his way into the bar one night the owner of the joint notices him stumbling down the street wasted only God knows where and when and decides to pull over and ask him to come drink at his bar for awhile (obviously a great publicity stunt for the small seady bar I'm envisioning in my head). Being drunk and not one to turn down such an offer he gets in the guy's car and rides on over to the bar with him. Apparently right around closing time there are only maybe half a dozen people left in the bar, but they had all moved upstairs to the billards area. This is where Mike (and the point of the story) comes into the scene. He heads up to the area to do some normal closing activities and walks in on one of the weirder scenes he has ever encountered.

There, lying on the pool table, is a young girl completely naked, being serviced by none other than Mr. Perry himself. That by itself is not all that strange, but what is strange is how exactly he was servicing her. I can only imagine that she interrupted a very intense game, because Chandler's weapon of choice on her was a pool stick with a condom slapped on the end of it. This would make sense had he been pleasuring (?) her with the chalk side, but thinking about the prospects of that choice it would have certainly made more sense to give her the thick end. So from now on when anyone on an episode of Friends asks what exactly Chandler does for a living, all of you at home can rest assured that you know that he is in fact a professional pool player.

The second story Mike told lacked the star appeal of the first, but was worth retelling nonetheless. One night, again while closing/cleaning, Mike notices that someone had puked on the floor. In the middle of the puke is a solid object however, and upon further inspection he realizes that it's a roll of money. He cleans it off and pockets it before anyone else can claim his prize. After checking it later in the night he realizes that he hit a huge score, 32 bills, all $100. If you estimate it took him about one minute to recover the money, that's like making $192,000 an hour. Oddly enough, he knew of a fellow co-worker who blew that total away completely cleaning the bar another night. This guy found a little paper bag containing a half pound of coke with a stack of $20,000 cash. Despite lacking dental, being a bartender in LA proves to have great benefits. Yet another reason I'm proud to say I'm SoCal bound.

The Silence of Space

WARNING!!! This blog does not contain any sex, alcohol, or scandal. It may even be considered boring to some who read it. Some may even consider it sentimental. Read at your own leisure.

This piece begins as I leave one of the most intense movies I have seen in a very long time, War of the Worlds. I must say, I was extremely impressed with what I saw. I won't go too into it, but one thing's for sure, when I make my list of favorite all time movie scenes the opening invasion sequence may very well crack the top ten, as few scenes in history have captured the mass horror and astonishment of a crowd like this one. Needless to say in this day and age, the effects were amazing, and the giant tripod alien vessels looked like they were right there among the people. The whole time I watched the scene I had one thought going through my head, and I'm sure many other people in the theatre shared this thought as well, "How fucking freaky would it be if this really happened, and I was right there?" It sincerely is hard to watch the scene and not have this thought cross your mind. Really made me hope all my beliefs in Aliens visiting us are completely false.

What took place after I returned from the movie was something that I have only experiences twice in my life, but I will get to that when I get to that. As I exited Christy's car (my movie going partner), I found myself looking to the sky, not so much in hopes (or fears) of seeing a UFO overhead, but in awe of the clarity in which the stars were showing themselves tonight. As I got to my apartment door I looked out at our pool and realized that there were literally 20 pool chairs turned star gazing posts right there in the waiting. It had never occurred to me before that such a relaxing and thought provoking activity was so thoroughly within a stone's throw from my bedroom window. Once I had made it into my room I put on a hoodie and embarked on what would prove to be a new and interesting trek around my apartment complex.

Upon reaching the pool I decided to head to the club house first in hopes of finally investigating the status of the hot-tub, and to my surprise it was not only up and running, but completely unlocked to boot. I entered and found that the entire building was open to any passerby, and I took the opportunity to hit the weight room for just a minute and do a few quick sets on the bench press. There is something extremely strange about working out at 2 AM in the darkness with the only audible sound the hum of a fan near the light above, almost as if was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

When I exited the clubhouse I decided on the spot to take a quick tour of the community (322 apartments in 40 buildings) on foot, something I have never done in the 11 months that I have lived here. It was intriguing to see just how much my star gazing was effected by each and every step as I approached one light and the left the last behind me. Eventually I ended up at the furtherest reaches to the South, where there is a tremendous amount of noise pollution coming from over the nearby hill. As I climbed the hill it was interesting to look out and realize there I was, only about 50 feet from the shoulder of I-94, probably the busiest road in the entire state of Michigan (statewide at least). I envisioned myself crossing the street on foot, mainly because who ever actually does that, but found that the extremely dense shrubbery i would have to embark upon to get there likely was not worth my trouble in the dark.

Having reached the far expanses of the community I decided it was finally time to head back to my originally planned destination, the pool, to achieve the uninterrupted star gazing I had imagined. On the way back I ended up walking alongside the pool that borders my apartment, and the sky was especially crisp here, as the nearest light was at least 50 paces away. I found myself startled by the sound of someone strumming a banjo, but figured that the bullfrog hadn't intended to frighten me at all in retrospect.

I finally reached the pool and dipped my finger in to test the temperature, and just as I had predicted, it was warmer than the very air that surrounded me. I went to the nearest bit of lawn furniture and adjusted it to my preferred angle, and the blank staring toward the night sky began. I located and confirmed all the constellations I know (all 2), and from there pin pointed the north star, and thought about how 100 years from now we won't have a north star anymore, thanks to mankind's heightened knowledge of gravity. Some stars twinkled, others remained constant, and finally one jumped across the entire night sky. Coincidentally, this being the first time I can ever remember sitting out specifically to watch the sky, I was greeted with a particularly bright shooting star. It was only the third I had seen my entire life, with the first two moments apart during a meteor shower a few years back while I was up late wandering through a camp ground.

Such a moment is fulfilling in ways hard to understand for one not there to experience it. It felt like that rock shoot across the ozone at that moment just to satisfy my need to see something special, something that could put into perspective just how insignificant but willing to aspire to greatest we here on Earth really are. That shooting star made me remember that I pity all those who lack imagination or a sense of adventure, those who would shun a trip to mars or dismiss a theory on the origin of our universe because without these childlike dreams we as humans loose what has made us great for thousands of years. The pursuit of technology has not served our species so much as a means to improve our quality of life, but moreso to spark our hidden desire to explore and learn all there is about that which engulfs us, so long as we always remember that the greatest truth to humanity lies in the fact that we will never have all the answers. I personally will settle for the excitement I feel exploring these same answers I will inevitably never find.

canoeing revisited

Well, let me start off by thanking Steve for his very insightful comment on my last blog. I will agree with him that many of the people who actually read this have no interest in sports, let alone my opinion on sports, but as I mentioned in the blog it was an aniversary piece and more importantly it was what I felt like writing about at the time. More importantly, you did in fact add a little insight to anyone who read the blog on some of the stupidity we encountered on the trip, and have thus inspired me to mention a few more memorable moments from the trip that people may find amusing.

One thing that sticks out was the time that Brynne and Julie accidentally directed our canoe into a low hanging tree, effectively slowing us to a halt while our shirtless bodies scraped against the leaves and branches. This would have all been just fine if not for what fell into the boat as we struggled to free ourselves (no exaggeration, we were literally stuck into the tree). Upon making it out we both looked down to see roughly 7-10 spiders running around in the bottom of the canoe. Again, I was cool with this until I saw the largest spider I have ever seen (outside of a museum or something) right next to my right foot. This behemoth actually looked pretty identical to the spiders in the movie Aracnaphobia, being about 2.5 inches in diameter including the legs, and we ain't talkin' no daddy long-legs style, we're talking baby Tarantula. To make matters worse the fucking thing was like a Goddamn tick or something, no matter how hard I stepped on it it barely buckled, and it took about 5 well placed stomps to even slow it down. The other spiders we eventually crushed or removed with our paddles, but there were a few we never actually accounted for in the end. Maybe that explains why I have giant red mosquito bites all over my body that don't actually itch and have been there for almost an entire week now, but probably not.

The other amusing thing that comes to mind is the fact that Steve actually lost a flip-flop in the process of getting out of the canoe back at the start point. He decided to get out and help push the canoe into the beach to quickly realize that the river bottom was nothing but a silty quick sand. I myself experienced this as my foot sank a solid 2 feet deep during each and every step; however, I had my shoes securely attached (so much so that I continually fell over walking in the crap as it felt like my feet were growing roots in the damn shit). Anyway, the punchline that amkes things funny is that in searching for his missing flip-flop (he actually lost both initially, but found one rather shortly thereafter) he found no exaggeration 9 separate sandals/shoes in the muck, all right there within a 20 foot radius of the location where we banked. Apparently Steve was not the first person to suffer this same fate. Alas, despite finding so much footwear that he actually found complete pairs off others' feet, he never found the elusive second flip-flop. Luckily, they were a $2 pair I think, but I feel like they may have ellicited some kind of fond memory in Steve for some reason.

Alrightly, I think those two minor anecdotes are enough to satisfy my need to write about canoeing for now. Oddly enough I originally logged in to write an entirely different blog, so I'm going to end this one now and start a new one as the new one is a little more of a think piece and wouldn't fit the mood of this entry. Ok everybody, enjoy your weekend and read the next blog if you so desire.